The Good Girl Gone Blog

What room are we in?

For some reason, a memory just popped in my head of a game I used to play with my dad when I was a little girl of approximately age two or three. After I finished my bath, my dad would wrap me up in a big towel, scoop me up and cover my face so I couldn't see. He'd cradle me in his arms so I'd stay warm and would carry me into different rooms of the house and ask "What room are we in?"

I'm not exactly sure what made me think of this- maybe it's because it's Hanukkah, a holiday I associate with family, or maybe it's because my dad is coming to pick me up from school on Saturday.

Honestly, I think it might be because this memory represents my childhood, a time that seems so far away. In just two days, I will take my last final on Boston University's Charles River Campus. I will pack up my dorm room and head home for my last winter break. Though I still technically have one semester to go, I  feel like college, and my childhood, are over.

A part of me still wants to be that little girl, safely snuggled in my father's arms. I want to hide my face in that protective towel and not have to figure out "what room I'm in" on my own. There's a great big scary world out there, and right now, all I want to do is close my eyes and hide in my daddy's arms.

Blue

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Blue- that's how I'm feeling, and coincidentally what I'm wearing. Yup, blue shirt, blue jeans and....err, green socks. I can't really explain the mood I'm in, but it's been a few days now.

I try hard not to be pessimistic or depressing on my blog, because no one wants to read that. But today, I just need to write this all out for myself.

On Wednesday, I got caught in the rain and a driver decided that rather than slowing down or avoiding the large puddle, he would race through it and splash the well dressed pedestrian, aka me. I'm pretty sure that one incident describes the past few days pretty well.

Hopefully a nap and a shower will take my blues away.

It makes me weak...

There are so many things that make me weak, that make me melt a little inside or audibly squeal in excitement:

It's the last flowers of summer fighting fall's chilly takeover. It's the tickles I get from my new puppy's tongue or the pride I feel when my little sister's immense talents are recognized.

It's the wonderful guy that remembers the color of the notebook I misplaced the week before...or the whiff of clean laundry I get when I bury my face in his chest and he wraps his arms around me.

It's the roommates whotake photos of me everyday for my new fashion venture, who share the dish washing responsibilities, and cook me poptarts when I burn the first batch. (Apparently our toaster has a special "poptart" setting. Who knew?).

It's the drunk texts from friends that explain so much and make me miss them even more.

So what if I'm a little weak...because my weaknesses only make me stronger.

Thank you

Thank you for...

believing in me and pushing me to ask for what I deserve.

Thank  you for...

having my back and sticking up for me.

Thank you for...

making me laugh at my desk, for never using real curse words and only ever saying "what the f." You crack me up.

Thank you for...

sending me a formal "google calendar" invite to go get drinks. We still need to do that.

Thank you for...

trusting me and allowing me to do things in my own creative way.

Thank you for...

posing with me in silly pictures and for letting me blow off steam via IM when I get upset.

Thank you for...

 eagerly grabbing lunch/coffee with me and for your amazing pep talks.

It's been a pleasure working with you, T. You've taught me so much and I already miss you. The office will not be the same without you.

City Girl

"Here in these deep city lights...Girl could get lost tonight" - Sara Bareilles

As I sit here, alone in my apartment, self medicating with matzah ball soup (aka Jewish Penicillin), cous-cous and a sore throat potion I like to call "Asian Magic," I can't help but become completely enthralled by the lights. Even when the city is a mess- clouds abound and rain falls insolently from the sky, I smile because I can see the lights in Fenway Park. Though my throat hurts when I swallow and I find myself forcing back coughs, I'm content. I hate being sick, but I like the idea that I can take care of myself- I made the matzah ball soup, I told myself to stay in tonight, I reminded myself (with a cute pink sticky note) that I need to take my vitamins.

There's just something about living in the city that makes me feel independent. Yes, I did call my mom to complain about feeling sick and ask her a soup related question...but then I went home to an empty kitchen and cooked for myself.

I am, unabashedly and with all my heart, a city girl. Hear me roar.

**Oh how they twinkle**

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"You would not believe your eyes, if ten million fireflies lit up the world as I fell asleep..."

I have a bit of an obsession with fireflies. I remember that as a child, I used to run around in the grass at night with my sisters, chasing "lightning bugs" and sometimes collecting them in a cup. I can still feel the crisp grass on my feet, picture the dark summer sky and feel the excitement that only a child understands.  I was (and still am) fascinated by fireflies. Even as an eighteen-year-old, I added "chase fireflies" to a list of things I wanted to do with a certain boy when we were abroad together in Israel. Sadly, there were no lightening bugs in the holy land, nor are there any, to my knowledge, in Boston.

"Cuz I get a thousand hugs from ten thousand lightning bugs as they try to teach me how to dance..."

As graduation creeps closer and closer, I'm beginning to think about where I may end up. A friend gave me a helpful piece of advice, reminding me that the next few years may be the only time that I can just pick up and leave. Without a serious boyfriend, work commitments or children, now is the time for me to choose a new city and start a life for myself post college. 

"To ten million fireflies I'm weird cuz I hate goodbyes I got misty eyes as they said farewell..."

...I hope that wherever I end up, I will be reunited with my dear fireflies. Until then, I listen to this song  over and over again and simply smile.

* All lyrics in this post are from Owl City's "Fireflies." You should definitely check out their CD.