Was it love?
Jun 23, 2009
Let me first preface this post by saying I'm not an emotional wreck. I'm doing my best to deal with a tough situation. This is the summer of Alana...
* * *
The details aren't important, but the fact is, things are over, he's with someone new and I can't bring myself to talk to him. I feel hurt and betrayed...and completely helpless. I also feel like an idiot. I opened myself up to someone, allowed myself to be completely vulnerable, only to get hurt. I've been struggling lately, trying to mend what seems like a broken heart. But the thing is, I've never been in love before...so how am I supposed to know what it feels like? I think about him a lot, but I'm not ready to pretend nothing happened, to simply go back to being "just friends."
Maybe I fell in love with a concept, the idea that my boyfriend should be...my best friend. Was I in love, or was I just comfortable? How will I ever know?
Advice? Words of wisdom? Come on ladies, you have to be better at this than I am...
Comments
Sorry to hear about this. Sometimes, it's really good to have opposite sex friends as just friends. But I don't really know you, so I don't want to e a buttinski. But thanks for visiting my blog!
Aww, I'm sorry. As someone who's had my heart broken on more than one occasion, I know how much it sucks. I also know you'll get over it when you're ready. I don't exactly remember how I knew I was in love the first time, but I do remember just realizing it one day. I bet you guys will become friends again, just don't force yourself to be around him when you're not ready. Good luck.
I don't really have any good advice (because dating is SO NOT my forté) but I'm so sorry this happened and, especially, that your friendship ended.
Just try to surround yourself with all of your good besties and enjoy some good ol'fashioned girlfriend bonding time!
I'm really sorry! This is not fun, no matter what the situation! It especially sucks when you feel like your losing a friend, too! I wish I had brilliant words, but I am no expert! I would say just give it time & if it's meant to be it will happen, and if not, hopefully the friendship will recover over time! Good luck, girl! :)
1) Write a song about it.
2) Keep busy.
3) Meet new people (but don't go boyfriend shopping!)
4) Invite your sister to stay with you in Boston to distract you. (oh...check!)
love ya!
I just had my heart broken too, it sucks. no beating around that bush. You need time. Away from him. Be with your friends, spend time on your hobbies and when you can look at pictures of him w/o feeling a pang of anxiousness, hurt or want - then I think you can be friends. For now a little time off might help.
This hits a little home for me- I've never been able to make it work when liking a friend!
I have not been in love before so I cannot make a call on that, but when frustrated recently about a situation with a guy one of my friends offered me advice that hit home with me... she said that my heart is MINE to protect, not anyone else's responsibility. Basically if I invest too much too quickly, I have no one to blame but me. I hurt myself by creating premature, unrealistic expectations.
It is not the easiest thing to hear but I have found truth in it.
I married my best friend. There is hope. It will just happen, when you least expect it.
I agree with that short chick and the others who said spend time with your girlfriends, doing things you like to do. Time heals all wounds (and hopefully wounds all heels!)You will be OK.
Ok before I start with my thoughts, warning... I am a dude *ducking - please don't toss mud at me...
Treat it as a celebration - embrace the moment with your heart. You allowed yourself to be vulnerable, and no matter what he decided to do about, it took courage. I applaud you and value you for your perspective - without love, nothing grows... the butterflies never leave the cocoon, the plants wilt, the sun doesn't shine. You opened yourself up to a beautiful experience that will make you a stronger person. Embrace your "inner butterfly"
If you feel so hurt, it was probably love. It's easy to fall in love with your friends, that's why they're your friends. Just give it time.
Oh my goodness. I just read daddy's comment and I'm all teary.
I wish I could give you a big hug. And I SUCK that I can't today because I may potentially give you the swine flu...BUT my heart goes out to you.
As someone who has had her heart broken more times than not, I remember this feeling well. As others have said, it will take time. Even though it feels like an eternity at the moment, it will pass. I dated a close friend years ago, and it ended similarly. I missed my friend. But after a while, we were able to talk again and all was okay. Never exactly the same since I realized that he was not what I was looking for, but he was my friend. What got me through it was just going out, talking with friends, and keeping busy in general.
I'm just a phone call away if you ever need. *hugs*
'tis sad what happend. Went through something similar.
I realised that there were different types of love. You could love a brother or a sister and it would be natural to miss their companionship. You could love a friend and miss being able to laugh at each otheror you could love a beautiful stranger and miss his face everyday...
So, it could be love.
But what type of love?
I know I'm a fews days late on this comment, but I thought I'd weigh in anyway. When it comes to being in love for the first time, some of us aren't fortunate enough to recognize it for what it is until it's gone. You're right - it can be hard to sort out what you're feeling while you're in the midst of feeling hurt and betrayed. Was it love? Infatuation? Or do you just mourn the loss of your friend?
Only time will tell, sadly enough.
If it was love, and you missed your chance - don't worry. The best thing to do is learn from your experience. How did love feel? What are the signs?
The next time, you'll be able to recognize it for what it is, and hold on tight.
P.S. Don't keep talking to that bum. You need some time away from that friendship in order to be able to heal and move on.
awwww gal i'm so sorry :( that kind of heartbreak is the worst - especially when it leaves you wondering if it could have been love. You'll never know for sure though.
The Ex and I started out as best friends...it's incredibly sad to me that him and i don't even speak. But we started out much like you and your friend, first i liked him but he didn't like me and vice versa. There were others, but finally we gave it a shot. I wouldn't say it was a mistake but things got messy. Very messy. Very quickly.
It's a huge leap of faith to date a guy you consider your best friend, and perhaps it's better that you didn't. Don't think that who you fall in love with has to already be your best friend, that comes with time :)
xox *hugs*
I'm a guy posting amongst women :) so hear me out without prejudice. I know where you are coming from, as a guy. I know you feel heat broken but so does he. Why do you think he has someone else now? Do you honestly think he cares about that other girl like he does for you?
Your problem is being out of sync. I bet the first time feelings were talked about you were not ready (atleast that's the experience I had). She wasn't ready. Then it got awkward because I couldn't be around her without wanting to hug, hold, kiss, etc...I couldn't just hold her when we were watching a movie without wanting to...mess around. Which when you mess around with your best friend and the feelings are mutual is when it's the best, because you can have fun and enjoy every minute of it because you know EVERYTHING about each other.
It sounds like he did exactly what I did. I felt confused, but I also felt betrayed in a way and I felt rejected BAD. Even though she had came to me and said that she made a mistake and she didn't realize it but she was completely in love with me the entire time, she just didn't know what love was. She never felt it and didn't know how to act upon it. She became the kid I was in middle school when I had a crush. If they didn't say yes right away they hated you and kicked you in the knee (that hurt actually, lol). So what did I do when she "wasn't ready and wasn't for sure how she felt"....I pushed myself away because she became distant. So I didn't want to be the one looking dumb (i'm a guy, give me a break). So I found another "friend" another female friend. I think deep down it was to make her jealous and realize that (i live in the real world and I hung out with the guys into one nighters, the sensitive guys, etc...) she turned down someone close to perfect (i say close because i'm not perfect and no one is).
It played out like that for almost half a year. She would call but not talk, and hang up. I took it as her not being ready for a RELATIONSHIP. Finally one day she came into the study at college where me and my new friend, that was female, was studying and having fun (we were never anything but friends). She laid it out. How she messed up, how she was sorry, how she loves me and didn't know how to express it, etc... the whole bit. The entire time the other girl was probably thinking this chic is a nut-ball. I mean she even started crying and at the end she felt dumb.....BUT that's all it took. I told the other girl, well to be short, i told her to bounce. I had my best friend their telling me she was in love with me and the whole time I was insanely in love with her and I'm pretty sure i was hurting during those 6 months more then her, because I wanted her, but she was contemplating on what to do and how to handle it and what those feelings she felt meant.
When you have figured out how you feel about him....set all your pride and STOP LISTENING TO ALL YOUR GIRLFRIENDS and tell him...tell him as BLUNT as possible. Whatever happens will happen, but atleast you got it out of your system and you know now that he KNOWS. I bet it will go A LOT better then you think it will and that he isn't with some other girl because he wants to be, he is trying (like us guys do) to get your attention.(god that ruins soooo MANY things for girls except for that one true girlfriend who is actually understanding). The same goes for guys. I stopped listening to my friends who were saying "you need to go out and just find a one night, clean your system and you will forget about her." It doesn't work like that.
Maybe this is a bit out of order, I'm in a hurry and just saw the post. Anyways...the fact is you have to be more then honest...you have to be blunt, upfront, and BRUTALLY honest. And with what happened between me and my bestfriend that we fell in love....we got married Last month...June 2nd. LOL, she was the girl who kicked me in the knee (we became best friends after that). So after knowing/being together for almost 9 years we had our affairs in order (as in financially, life, etc..) and we got married. We are expecting our first kid in March :D
I tell you, and i'm not being mean to girls, but some of yall need to get your advice from a well mannered MALE about realtionships. Because the info your girls give you is coming from a jealous brain. Same goes for us guys. The other reason for me having that other girl after my now, wife, went confused one me was to get TRUE info on how i should handle it.
it worked...it will work for you.
Oh wow. Thank you for the insight!
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